The human mind is designed to function in a certain way. The mind is the seat of your emotions, will, intellect, conscience. It is the repository of all our thoughts and desires. It’s true that people are different but when it comes to the root of desires, we all seek the same pleasures;
- Control and most importantly,
- The desire to be wanted and loved.
Picture the above mentioned as ingredients, which when combined, in various appropriate proportions, can create tasty recipes to satisfy the mind’s appetite.
Okay let’s take a cue from something very practical; Ask yourself this question:
WHY IS MONEY ATTRACTIVE?
Simply put money is attractive because it can buy you the social status dish garnished with spices of honour, recognition, comfort and influence. Money attracts people to you.
To be a charming person, you have to consciously feed these desires of the mind. This makes you likable.
CHARMING= Attractive to mind + Senses
THE ROLE OF COMMUNICATION IN APPEALING TO THE MIND AND BEING ATTRACTIVE
Communication is very vital in developing your charm and being irresistibly attractive. Communication is both verbal and nonverbal.
BEING VERBALLY ATTRACTIVE
Bringing out the best in people doesn’t cost a fortune. Learn to be sincere with compliments. Be genuinely fascinated by the other person’s interests, experiences and achievements. This is the trait that people find simply irresistible. Too much flattery can be insincere and ineffectual. A few well-phrased words can go a long distance in creating powerful attraction.
Successful communication happens when people share equally about what is interesting and exciting to them. It entails learning more about what the other person thinks and seeking additional information about other people’s points of view. Always ask open-ended questions. Ask WHY and HOW more than WHAT and WHEN.
Charming people sincerely want to know what you think and that makes you open up to a surprising degree. It makes you feel like the most interesting person in the world. And you like them for making you feel that way.
PROPER VOICE CONTROL
Part of being verbally attractive, is learning how to manage your voice while talking. It’s actually an art you should learn and master if you desire to be verbally attractive. Just like in music, you should master and apply voice cadence while making a speech or discussing with people. You should know when to talk calmly or fast, when to lower your voice or raise it. Never shout over people’s head rather communicate effectively with proper voice control. Also learn to sweeten your voice while talking ( this does not suggest being artificial or mimmicking someone else’s voice). It simply means bringing out the best in your voice. Don’t talk with a coarse voice, it can repel people from you. Tone your voice; polish it but be real and original.
THE POWER OF LISTENING
A conversation involves talking as well as listening. There are folks that always want to do all the talking because they think they know it all. For it to be a good conversation, there must be a balance between talking and listening for all parties involved in the conversation.
Your ability to listen well in a social or business conversation can help you as much as any other skill you develop. One of the most important qualities of a leader is the ability to gather information by asking relevant questions and listening closely to what people have to say.
Let me quickly point out that there is a clearly distinction between hearing and listening. Listening is much deeper than just hearing what the fellow said. It involves having a succinct understanding of what the fellow said and meant. It is an art to learn and master.
FOUR KEYS TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING
1. Listen attentively – Listen in complete silence, without interrupting. Act like there is nothing in the world, more important to you at this moment than what the other person is saying.
2. Pause before replying – Rather than jumping in as soon as the other person takes a breath, pause for three to five seconds. Allow a silence to exist. Be relaxed.
3. Ask questions for clarification – Don’t ask questions for argument rather ask for clarification and never assume that you know exactly what the other person meant by what he said.
4. Give a feedback; Paraphrase what was said in your own words – This is the acid test of effective listening, the proof that you were really paying attention instead of engaging in the phony listening that is common today.
Alright let’s take a look at some nonverbal communication techniques which are also very vital to becoming charming and irresistibly attractive. People generally over look these seemingly little things not knowing the powerful role they play in making them attractive and charming.
Charming people never try to establish their self importance. Be careful to ensure the “Conversation” doesn’t become more about you than it is about the other person – no one likes that.
A very nice example of body language can be learned from the historic meeting of Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela. The scenario is described below;
Clinton takes a step forward (avoiding the “you must come to me” power move); Mandela steps forward with a smile and bends slightly forward as if, ever so slightly to bow ( a clear sign of respect in nearly every culture); Clinton does the same. What you can see demonstrated here is humility; two important people who put aside all sense of self-importance status. They’re genuine.
When next you meet someone, relax, step forward, tilt your head towards them slightly, smile and show that you’re the one who is honoured by the introduction – not them. By doing this you are feeding their mind with the delicacy of honour and making yourself attractive and irresistible.
Okay let’s take a look at some simple body language tips that can increase your attractive quotient:
- Body language research has shown that keeping your torso, chest and abdomen open to the world is inviting to others. Crossed arms , clutching a wine glass in front of your stomach, checking a phone in front of your chest or hugging a purse to your centre are all ways we close our body language and seem uninviting.
- Use the head tilt and nod technique . Even dogs understand this. The reason you feel your dog understands you when you talk to it, is because most times it tends to tilt it’s head or nod. Studies have shown that people will speak three to four times longer if you do three slow nods in a row when they have finished speaking. It’s a sign of listening effectively.
- Keep your hands open when having a conversation with someone. Studies have found that when we can’t see people’s hands we have trouble trusting them. When you put your hands in your pocket, tuck them under the table or hide them behind a coat, your attractiveness decreases because subconsciously people feel they can’t open up to you.
- Use the power of touch selectively. Touch can either be sexual or non-sexual. Non-sexual touch can be incredibly powerful just as sexual touch. Touch can influence a person’s behaviour, increases the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly and can even help you make a sale. In a particular experiment carried out, the participants tried to convey twelve different emotions by touching another blindfolded participant on the forearm. It was observed that the rate of accuracy for perceiving emotions like fear, anger, gratitude, sympathy, love, and disgust ranged from 43% to 83% – without a word being spoken. This is an example of the power of touch as a nonverbal communication technique.
BODY LANGUAGES TO AVOID
Turning your head towards a person when speaking and allowing your body to be inclined away from the person when he/she begins to speak. This shows that you care more about what you have to say and less interested in what the other person has to say.
- Slumping in your chair as if you want to ooze through the back and get away from the speaker. Learn to sit up straight on a chair and possibly don’t let your back touch the back of the chair.
- Folding your arms when listening. The speaker views this posture as a way of blocking out what he or she is saying.
- Dr. Albert Mehrabian of UCLA conducted a seminal study of communication some years ago and concluded that, in face – to – face conversation, your body language conveys 55% of the message you are sending. Your tone of voice conveys another 38% of the message and the words themselves are responsible for only 7%. People quickly read your body language and draw conclusions about you even if they are incorrect. And this can greatly affect your degree of attractiveness and charm.
- I believe you have learnt something substantial that you can practically apply to your life from today’s class. This is a very practical class and my joy is to see you emerge as a more charming, attractive and irresistible person. Kindly ask questions for better clarification and understanding. Send me a feedback on the impact of these series of classes on you and your general review on this course and possible suggestions for improvement. It means a lot to me. Get ready for my inspiring classes as we delve deeper in the ART OF BECOMING CHARMING, ATTRACTIVE AND IRRESISTIBLE. In our next class, I will unveil to you some secrets of charming and irresistible people and how to derive commercial value from being charming. Thank you for being a part of today’s class, I look forward to seeing you in the next class. Cheers!